please just let's make it this way

Some bits

2009-12-07T23:22:26Z

• Boss leaves for Peru on Friday (yay!) and I'm in charge for the next four weeks. Granted, two of those weeks are full of holidays and will therefore be quite short. But, still, it will be nice.

• In the middle of this month, my art will officially be for sale on a real product o_o. A few months back, I designed an album cover for a friend. I wasn't sure anything would come of it, but last week he informed me that he is just finishing up the groundwork with CDBaby. Then, there will be real round things that play music and display my artwork. Eep.

• Occasionally I have excellent timing without meaning to (like that time I was in Little Italy, New York when Italy won the World Cup... the one day that I have ever been in New York in my entire life). Saturday wasn't quite as stupendous as that, but. When rydot and I returned from San Diego, he pointed out that a few private cars had tagged along with our Amtrak train. After noting that the passengers of the private car were dressed in 30s-40s attire, we inquired and discovered that it was a small party of Maxwell DeMille's -- None other than the man behind Cicada Club and the Los Angeles Air Raid event that I formerly mentioned. We exchanged pleasantries with Mr. DeMille, took the advertising materials he handed us, and I thought to myself "what a lovely time to have been de-boarding my very first Amtrak trip and meet Maxwell DeMille."

• My Saturday trip to San Diego with rydot was most excellent. Trains, trolleys, the Mexican border, fun hats, odd people to stare at, and even another paper train model (the man at the information booth said they were normally for kids... but I professed that I am really only 5, so I got to have one anyway).

• At the outset of our trip, in the dining car, I noticed a lady staring at me... which weirded me out a little. Eventually she approached the table and inquired if I had ever considered modeling... which I have not. Out of curiosity, I gave her my number, but I don't expect anything to come of it. I don't consider myself as having a mainstream advertising look. Regardless, it's flattering when random people walk up to you and remark that you look nice. [I also heard that from a bum on Van Nuys Blvd while I was headed to the station :-p] Moreover, upon looking at her agency's website my stronger urge is to offer to redesign their ugly site... not take pictures to put onto it.

• Nevertheless, here is a picture of me from Saturday.

I like hats.

• rizwank is leaving (or has left, by now) for Europe and I am feeling a bit sad about it :-( But I hope he has a lovely time and brings back excellent pictures of the Öresund Bridge! And, as with anyone who is out of the country, I look forward to reading posts about the trip (also from angryvampire once she leaves as well).

• other things.

Unlocked from last week

2009-12-03T09:07:39Z

It's become a tradition to turn introspective in the fall. To question myself and where I'm at. To listen to too much acoustic music and stare at the ceiling. To wonder why I never got to meet Elliott Smith and to visit his memorial wall whenever I can. This is autumn for me.

I put on scarves and coats and think about life. I'm not sure, but I think I like that way of life best, and it factors into why I want to live in Portland, where it's cooler and I can think.

In some ways, I hate thinking all of the time, and feeling so introspective... In others, I cherish it. And this year, I've taken the opportunity to really turn inside myself. These days we write journals to share things with people. We blog to be heard. But once upon a time, the act was for oneself. And what you wrote was your own. In a small way, my journal is also this, and I have been using it to evaluate who I was and who I am.

In some ways I see vast personal growth, in others, I note no change at all. I am still much the same as I've always been. Very easy and open with my love, forgiving and sometimes unnecessarily naive, but also holding my heart close. I don't share at least half the things I think about. My thoughts are my own just as one's journal is one's own. And what I have to say to myself is not often what I have to say to all of you. Private posts are for insecurities and things I need to get down on "paper" to properly evaluate them. I admit things to myself here. And they are often things I don't talk about. Things that make me sad or cause me great confusion and turmoil. And I try to work through them. Some of them I get through easily; others, I'm still working on.

I still think in livejournal format, constantly. Everywhere I go, I am composing posts. I am picking words to describe feelings. I'm framing stories. Deciding what I tell and what I keep out. What belongs to me and what I want to share with all of you. Some of them are so witty... but I end up digressing. And I can't pull the pieces apart, so I don't post at all. I constantly edit... read and re-read what I write. Perception is so important to being understood... and understanding is so closely linked to my relationships with other people.... that I hate to consider the large possibility of being misunderstood. And though I offer myself penance at the thought that each person will understand differently based on their own experiences, I often worry that, on the whole, my point is lost.

Oblio's mother would make me a hat for that, I know, but I'm not in that story. I'm in this one, whatever it is and wherever it's going.

I try to share these things for the dual purpose of being understood and also understanding. Because if anybody else feels even 3% close to this, then we've got something in common, and my thoughts aren't useless -- if you consider thoughts as having inherent value, which I'm pretty sure I do. And useless thoughts should not be thought unless they aren't in fact useless (which they usually aren't).

I also find that I am often stuck in circular, unexplainable logic. Complementary thoughts that feed each other. And I forget where I started thinking of them because I constantly end up back where I was. I don't know if any of you ever feel like that, but I know I certainly do.

I'm never sure where things begin and things end. Where I should force myself forward with a shove, or allow myself to mellow back. But I take solace in knowing that whatever speed I'm going at will inevitably be right... because it has to be when the only other choice is that it isn't.... and I certainly won't settle for that. Cautiously optimistic or rationally optimistic. Either way, there's always so much more to learn, so many more barriers to break, so much more knowledge to attain, and so many ways to grow as a person.

And above all, I can at least ascertain from my journal that I am constantly growing, which is perhaps the most calming thought of all.

Untranslatables

2009-11-23T08:23:58Z

As some of you may remember in the summer of 2007, I was studying untranslatable words.

For the linguistic-minded, I had been meaning to post up a list of my favorite untranslatable words ever since... and yes, that's how back-logged I am on things I'd like to write about. I was reminded of these words twice in the course of the week, so I decided it was time to sit down and put this together.

This is not the entirety of what I collected, but instead, a few choice words and phrases that would be nice to weave into common conversation. Also, there are often words in other languages that describe things which take entire sentences in English, such as "qualia" -- I can't put these experiences into words (though, I do fancy "aphasia" for this same purpose/lack of words.)

Arabic
bukra [book-rah] Adverb. An indeterminate time in the future.

Dutch
Uitwaaien [oot-vay-en] Verb. To walk in the wind for fun.

Finnish
ä lä maaka pirua seinälle [al-am-are-lar pi-rew-are say-nal-lay] Proverb. "Don't paint a demon on the wall." Don't spend time worrying about worst case scenarios that most likely will not happen.

Czech
litost [lee-tosht] Noun. "a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one's own misery."
pohoda [poh-hoh-dah] Noun. A pain-free, trouble-free state of being.

Hungarian
egyem meg a szivedet [egd-yem-meg-a-siv-ver-det] Idiom. "I'd like to eat your heart." Usually said to small children who have done something so nice or good that it has emotionally touched an adult's heart.

French
jolie-laide [jolee layd] - Idiom. "pretty and ugly" A face you want to keep looking at, even if you can't decide whether it is beautiful or not.
frou frou [ froo froo] - Adj. The rustling of a woman's skirt.
métro-boulot-dodo [me tro boo lo doh doh] - Idiom. A pointless existence "Subway- work-sleep."

German
schnappszahl [shnapptzahl] Noun. Numbers with striking patterns such as palindromes. Eg. 04-04-44, 03-11-03
welt schmerz [velt schmairtz] Noun. "world pain" Existential pain that leaves you reeling with a damaging, head-cluttering despair.

Italian
cavoli riscaldati [cah-voh-lee riz-kal-dot-ee] - Distasteful attempt at reviving an old relationship.
castrato [cah-straw-toe] - Noun. The quality of a single voice.
attaccabottoni [at-tac-ca-bot-own-ee] Noun. A bore who button-holes you into hearing their long tales of woe.

Polish
pokazac' komus' gdzie vaki zimuja [po-ka-zatch ko-moosh gdje ra-kee zee-moo-yonh] Proverb. "to show someone where the crayfish winter." ie. to send them to sleep with the fishes.

Russian
Razbliuto [ros-blee-ooh-toe] - The feelings a person has for someone he or she once loved but now does not.

Portuguese
Saudade [sow-dah-day] Noun. Intense nostalgia. "a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably can't exist. For something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness, but an indolent dreaming wistfullness."
fado [fah-doh] Noun. A culture of song in deep and sad romanticism that wells up from the soul.
se vivar [say vee vah] Verb. "too empty" When you try to do something but don't have the knowledge to complete the task.

Swedish
allemansrätt [al-er-manss-rett] Noun. It's everyone's night.

Tierra Del Fuegan
mamihlapinatapei [mah-meal-ah-pee-nah-tah-pay] - A meaningful look shared by two people expressing mutual unstated feelings. In certain contexts "the act of looking into each other's eyes, each hoping that the other will initiate what both want to do but neither chooses to commence."

Japanese
mono-no-aware [ma-no no ah-wah-ray] - the poignant sensation one has of time passing, of the inevitable cycle of life and death
hai [hye] Noun. Yes, I am listening to you and I understand what you are saying, but I do not necessarily agree.
shibui [shib-oee-ee] Noun. An aesthetic that can only be revealed as we become older. We radiate with a beauty that stems from becoming fully ourselves.
wabi-sabi [wabee-sab-ee] Noun. The beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, incomplete, modest and humble.

Korean
jung [] a relationship that one person has with another that is stronger than mere "love" and can often only be proved by having survived a huge argument with someone. It is a word that represents a feeling that can never die, and is therefore unlike love.
nunchi [noon-chee] Noun. An intrinsic understanding of the person with whom you are interacting that is essential for evaluating another person's hidden feelings and staying one step ahead of offending him/her.

Urdu
dil baagh baagh ho giya [dil bahg bahg ho gay-ah] My heart became a garden. Expression of overwhelming joy.

Greek
aporia [ap-aw-ree-ah] Adjective. Being radically at a loss before the world we inhabit.
thambos [tham-bos] Noun. Being immobilized by something way beyond one's understanding.

Latin
accidia [ak-see-dee-ah] Noun. A terrible state of spiritual torpor and sadness where one feels no desire or strength to act.
temulentia [tem-uh-lent-ee-ah] Noun. An advanced apoplectic state of drunkeness.
qualia [kwah-lee-ah] Noun. Those experiences that we cannot possibly describe in words.

Gaelic
brác [brack] Noun. The curve of a wave immediately before breaking.

North American Navajo
hozh'q [hoe-shk] Noun. the beauty of life as seen and created by a person.

Singlish
kiasu [kee-a-soo] Noun. Always wanting the best for oneself and trying hard to get it.
garam [gah-ram] Noun. I can't stop thinking of you.

Thoughts on LJ

2009-11-19T11:08:59Z

I intended to be in bed at this hour, but instead I started researching myself.

I always knew that writing on a consistent basis would become useful to me at some point. Maybe that point is now.

vexedvagabond and I realized earlier that if I have 1528 posts total since 2003 (and I joined LJ in the fall of '03), I have averaged about 255 posts per year. Which means, approximately 70% of the days in a year are days that I have written LJ posts.

To be fair, some days have multiple posts (I think I maxed at 6 posts in one day somewhere in there). Also, if you were to browse my journal, it wouldn't seem like there were 1528 posts. Almost all of 2006 is now private-locked [an act I completed in the beginning of 2007 as emotional cleansing], and, on the whole, a good 2/3 of my journal is private-locked anyway.

At any rate, I found myself browsing 2007 shortly before I met xdenverxmaxx and boymaenad and gradually became friends with other Rocky-related folks. This seemed like a good time marker.

From there I determined several things:
1. My writing style hasn't changed [I don't know if this is good or bad.]
2. On the whole, the topics of my journal vary wildly. One post I found was ripping on the uselessness of several words in the Russian vocabulary. In another, I was solving a cross-multiplication problem for a friend. And, in still another, I was baking my very first homemade pie. Some of these events, I probably wouldn't have remembered were it not for LJ (especially that Russian one).
-- as a sub topic, I'm glad to have proven that my LJ is never consistently about one subject. I think that would be quite boring to read. I'd prefer for it to have a "little bit for everyone" because... I try to have a little bit for everyone. And I should always have something of interest to talk about with any given person, even if all I know about him/her is that he/she likes pudding.
-- Sub Subtopic, I'm really trying to work on my use of the word "their" being as it is a plural but I often use it for the ambiguous "person." eg. "That person would need their umbrella." I'm aware this is not grammatically correct and have had it pointed out to me in the past, but I find the use of he/she and his/her to be wholly taxing. You know, Latin-based languages actually have conjugates for ambiguous persons... Why don't we?
-- Sub Sub Sub Topic: Webster's has a definition for conjugate as "two leaves of a book forming a single piece." I... LOVE THAT. I want to be a leaf of a book that forms a single piece.
3. The readership of my journal has changed. Most people who formerly read my journal have now moved on to other sites (Tumblr, Wordpress, or what have you).
4. I question my personal progress in the last two years. On the one hand, being out of school has been bad for my painting [in that I don't set aside time to do it]. On the other, with only myself to motivate me, I've spent a remarkable amount of time researching things and I still check books out of the library on a fairly consistent basis. LJ tells this to me as posts prior to 2007 have more artwork and posts after 2007 have more ramblings about various topics of Los Angeles history and food.

I suppose using one's journal is the best way to study oneself... so I should spend more time reading backward and reconciling who I was versus who I am. And probably unlock 2006, as it's entirely irrelevant that it's locked now. Also, I sometimes like to share my people squares and cartoons and other random bits from that year. And it will be easier if LJSeek can pull them up so I don't have to spend hours browsing my LJ Calendar for them.

More Stream of Rebeccascienceness

2009-11-18T23:35:45Z

Ultimately I am never spending as much time as I should on something that I like because I like too many things. I want to build paper clocks and ships in bottles and potato guns but I don't devote enough time to science. I should be oil painting and watercoloring and scrap booking and making beautiful designs of things. But art falls to the wayside when I'm busy studying the art of conversation and reading blogs and watching TV and crocheting hats and altering dresses.

I want to think that time isn't my enemy, like Faulkner says, and I try to remind myself of this.

"I give it to you not that you may remember time but that you might forget it now and again and not spend all your life trying to fight it because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. the field only reveals to man his own folly and despair and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools"

And I can't fight time because I can't win against time because it only ever continues to move forward. I can't stretch it or break it and I can't disown it because it exists regardless of whether or not I do (except my perception of it... which exists only because I think of it.)

And I think therefore I am. So if I think of time it is too.

I create utter confusion for myself and constantly question things that may not require any questioning at all.

I use defense mechanisms to avoid annoying people only to find that my defense mechanisms are probably more annoying than anything. And I don't talk when I should or I talk too much when I shouldn't. I expand and explain things that require no explanation and I consistently feel that I am babbling inanely and must be one of the most boring people on the planet. And yet I hate redundancy in others... I must also be a hypocrite but am unaware of it.

I attempt to study my own behavior as I study others but ultimately find I'm missing data or have conflicting data and can't come to a valid conclusion.

There was a Nike campaign my mother used to keep on the wall of our house. Fear of failure, Fear of Success, Fear of losing your health, Fear of losing your mind, Fear of being taken too seriously, Fear of not being taken seriously enough, Fear that you worry too much, Fear that you don't worry enough, Your mother's fear you'll never marry, Your father's fear that you will."

Erk.

I'm certain I take things too seriously and then people think "Look at Rebecca taking things so seriously all of the time." But if I don't take things seriously, I don't think I'm spending enough time contemplating and forming ideas and having thoughts and doing all that groundwork that keeps us from making perpetual mistakes... not mistakes in general, just perpetual ones. Repeated ones.

Oy. I hate days where I question everything. Maybe I'm afraid of those most of all.

*headdesk*

A trail for the devil to erase

2009-11-17T20:13:11Z

I'm on too many websites. More than one could possibly keep up with while maintaining a normal person-to-person, face-to-face social life and still manage to keep their house clean and complete personal projects (that are non-internet-related). Yet, I still sign up for more websites. There must be some sort of term for this... Anyone know it? It's like being an internet pack-rat. I must have accounts everywhere!!! I am an account hoarder!

I also realized I have 4 LJ accounts. FOUR. And I only post in this one... because the others were meant to be movie, music and travelling journals (well, SOMETIMES I post in the music one). Err...

*fail*

I can't imagine I have enough interesting things to say for all of these accounts. But sometimes I get it into my head that I DO.

At any rate, I want to make more time to focus on each separate site.

Pandora just started Piazza, New York Catcher by Belle and Sebastian. I love this song. I actually had to pause and revel in it a minute.
"Elope with me, Miss Private, and we'll sail around the world.
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl....
Oh elope with me in private and we’ll set something ablaze,
a trail for the devil to erase."

"What is this?"
"It's the new Belle and Sebastian."

Can't believe Jack Black comes in and calls it sad bastard music... High Fidelity is so good, still.

I need to be paid to be a media, exploring, pie-eating junkie... where can I get this job??? I have to start a magazine, right? Or be hired by one?

My weekend was awesome :-) I'd expound on it [and I in fact started to], but Facebook is full of photos from it. Maybe a real post will make it into that travel journal someday.

Public Transit and Some Cheesy Eats.

2009-11-10T20:37:54Z

I have finally purchased a TAP (Transit Access Pass) card. I'd like to think this is a brilliant way to go paperless on transit. But, err... it seems like a pretty broken system. The website gives conflicting information. In one way, it sounds like you can use the card like a gift card -- load it up with cash and deduct $1.25 on a per-ride basis. In another way, it seems like you can only add passes to it (daily, weekly, monthly) and thus it would be of no use to a rider like myself who only rides, in general, once or twice a day. Then, my only use for the card is when I am riding more than 4 times in a day (and per-ride fare would exceed the $5 for the day pass).

To avoid dealing with this mystery in the past few months, I've just paid $6.25 or $7.50 in per-ride fare. However, I decided today would be the day I try the TAP card!

After spending a bunch of time hunting for a non-sketchy vending location (A Ralph's vs a "Checks Cashed Here" location), I found a local Ralph's and purchased an empty card for $2 yesterday.

I then attempted to sign up at taptogo.net to load the card -- and finally settle whether it was only for passes or could be used for normal fare. Alas! I was foiled. I filled out the form twice. Once in Google Chrome and once in Safari. Both times when I hit finish... nothing happened o_o

This either means taptogo.net is following in the steps of other high profile websites that seem to be in denial that browsers besides Internet Explorer exist (and in high numbers) [SoCal Realtors & CSC Credit are both in this category. Idiots.] -OR-
It's impossible to sign up -OR-
They failed to inform me that it takes more than several seconds to process and I should expect some sort of notification in the near future. [Like the IRS Payment website, for instance, takes two weeks to process]

I could go to an information kiosk at a metro office and ask... but that takes too much effort. I'd LIKE to be able to stop hoarding $1 bills and quarters as though I perpetually need to visit the laundromat... but I guess I'll keep doing so until I'm conveniently located near an office.

I THINK I loaded a $5 day pass to my card today on the bus -- that's what I told the driver I wanted -- but I am in fear that it somehow loaded as $5 and not as a day pass... and so, after 4 rides, I'll be out of fare. Since I have no way of knowing... I guess I'll only find out if I'm stopped by Metro authorities, which seems unlikely even if I AM out of fare.

This also feeds into the conundrum Alex and I have been trying to answer about how Metro even KNOWS if you forgot to tap your card when you boarded the subway. They put in turnstiles... but you can walk through whether or not you tap... which is still the stupidest system I've ever seen. In places like New York and London, if you don't put fare in, you can't get through the turnstile. LA has useless turnstiles.

And thus everyone thinks LA transit is useless... and asks me why I bother to care about it. Which... I can't answer for you beyond "I like to think that it will get better if I keep being a patron of it... it certainly won't get better if we all turn our backs on it."

*sigh*

In other (non-depressing) news:

I am on a cheese hunt! for Reblochon so I can make Tartiflette (without the bacon for my half, with the bacon for Alex's) because my friend in England keeps ranting about how delicious it is! Unfortunately, it seems to be near impossible to get Reblochon here. I'll be trying the Cheese Store in Silverlake this afternoon. Artisan Cheese, where I used to go, does not appear to be around anymore. [I can judge only by the fact that their website went kaput... I haven't been to the Ventura Blvd/Laurel Cyn intersection recently]. But I've been to the Cheese Store before, so I'm sure they can suit my needs. If there's no Reblochon, I'll probably end up with Brie de Meaux as my friend tells me that's the closest I may be able to affordably attain in the states. Either way, a giant potato cheese casserole sounds AMAZING.

And if I'm successful in finding said cheese, maybe I'll bring part of the Tartiflette to Life of Brian.

Today, Allison, Ry, Riz and I will hopefully be successful in not only getting 70 cent hot dogs but also meeting Huell Howser (and politely asking him to sign my LA River book on page 113 where his picture is :-p).

If not, maybe I'll have better luck on Thursday with Alex and Bill Cosby.

I LOVE FOOD.

A Celebration in Sevens

2009-11-07T23:42:13Z

As some of you know, I rather pathetically love Pink's Hot Dogs despite keeping pescetarian the majority of the time.

Westways Magazine has informed me that beginning today (the 7th) Pink's will be celebrating its 70th anniversary by selling 70cent chili dogs at 7pm for 70 minutes each night for 7 days.

Moreover, to thank Los Angeles for 70 years of business, celebrities will be doing the hot dog serving and all proceeds will be donated to charity.

There is a schedule of the celebrity servers on the Pink's Site.

I'm really indifferent to the celebrity factor, so the day doesn't matter to me, but I'd like to go and show my Pink's support.

Anyone interested in joining me?

bec_bec @ 2009-11-06T14:08:00

2009-11-06T23:53:17Z

If I don't keep writing, then I may not write at all... which would be a shame. So, I suppose I should continue writing.

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend of mine who is a Psychotherapist. Every now and then she has one of those slightly annoying therapist voices: "I know you'll work through this issue, given time" that grates on your nerves when you're in the mood to steam about something. But since I mostly only know her through a social network on the internet, I am able to "walk away" for a minute and continue my steaming until I'm ready to be over it. I met her in person in Indianapolis and I can easily say she's a pretty nice/cool person on the whole.

She addressed a point to me about how I "came across" in a discussion I had started. She felt I was very judgmental, slightly dictatorial, and she was ultimately quite upset by what I had written. She felt she needed to be defensive to me because my word choice was aggressive. Then she added that this was behavior she had viewed in me on and off over our past few months of interaction on the interwebs.

Obviously, I was reasonably upset by all of that. I'm quite careful with my word choice. I know that my narrative voice is more formal than my verbal/spoken voice, but that's just how I write... compound case of writing too many college papers and reading too much literature. Since the discussion was about a possible set of "rules" for something we were collaborating on, I treated it as though it were a formal paper, and wrote in a non-passive, direct tone. However, I had very clearly stated at the beginning that it was a DISCUSSION only. That everyone could raise their own points, that I was open to being disagreed with, and that the point was for us to determine TOGETHER what guidelines might be best for participants in our project.

However, her disagreement was with something I never said... she was disagreeing with what she interpreted me as saying. Her interpretation was so far OFF from what I had actually said, that I was entirely confused.

If my points and writing were so misconstrued, there was a big problem. If I can't communicate effectively as a writer, that's an even bigger problem (to me personally.) I really don't enjoy being misunderstood (not that any one does, but it particularly grates on my nerves) because I put so much thought into what I have to say before I actually say it.

This was further compounded by the fact that she seemed to have viewed some sort of awful aggressive tone in me as a person on and off for some number of months... And, while I'm sure we've all had our fair share of being misunderstood over the internet, that was a bit much.

It was 1am when we started this conversation. I was very tired and very upset. At 2am I cut out to have a nice crying spell fraught by the thought that if I came off this way to her, other people must think the same thing of me and that I must be a pretty awful communicator... because I don't find myself to be a very aggressive, judgmental or dictatorial person at all. But this was compounded by the fact that twice before in my life, I've been told that my personal letters sound like "motherly scolding." This wasn't a nice thought for me. I don't want people to think that I'm scolding them when I write... or that I'm judging them either. A certain amount of this I could shrug off to the fact that people read things with their own personal connotation. That some words mean different things to different people. And there's the fact that I've only heard this from three people EVER in my entire life.

When I woke up later in the day, I thought a lot. I didn't want to shrug off what my friend had said -- I should at least consider people's concerns when they voice them, I would want someone to do the same for me. And, seeing as studying and helping people to realize the errors in their behavior is her job, she had offered forthright to help me. I decided I'd take her up on that.

I asked her to give me specific examples, both in the past and the future, of when she felt my tone and word choice were aggressive and judgmental. She cited two examples in the past for me. One, after sleuthing old conversation logs, we discovered wasn't something I had even written... it was something someone else had said. The other was something she had forgotten I had already apologized for... and profusely at that, because I realized the mistake right after I made it.

Then she admitted she must have misconstrued what I was saying based on past behavior that she was remembering incorrectly. She also added that, having listened to all of my points explaining why my tone and word choice weren't very aggressive or judgmental at all, the only reason what I had written really bothered her to begin with was that old standard "we dislike in others what we dislike within ourselves." She had addressed this issue to me because it was something that bothered her about herself and her writing... and that by hopefully helping me to overcome it, she could help herself to overcome it. This was an interesting thought to me... that I might help a psychotherapist who is at least 20 years my senior to overcome a social/communication issue.

We came to an agreement that anytime we felt someone (ourselves or anyone on the social network we use) was being aggressive/judgmental, we would arrange a private side conversation to discuss with each other why that person seemed to be coming across that way. Thereby, neither of us would need to respond defensively unless we were truly correct in being defensive.

On the whole, I'm not sure what exactly to take away from the experience. I hope that if I do sound judgmental and scolding, it's pointed out to me so that I can see why... but if it's just certain people hearing my writing that way... I don't know if it's more them or me.

I'd like to consider this personal growth, but I can't see where I've grown from it. I already spend an excessive amount of time reading over what I write to make sure it can't be easily misconstrued... so I'm not sure how else to modify my actions/my writing.

Thus, I'm mystified more than anything else.

bec_bec @ 2009-10-28T23:15:00

2009-10-29T06:58:06Z

Found out yesterday that a few of you select awesome peoples chipped in to buy me LA Conservancy membership :-D That's like super amazing delicious icing on an already great birthday!!!! I heart you. So excited to make use of it.

Waiting on an invite to Google Wave from my friend in England. Heard it takes 2-3 days for the invite to come through... which is less time than it would take to get one from Google directly, but still, I want to play with it now! If any of you were interested in trying it out, I'll be happy to pass along some invites, once I get them :-)

Finally bought extra memory for my Blackberry. Tired of only being able to store 20 photos. However, discovered that my OS is too old to install new Blackberry Messenger, which makes me a little sad. My friend who has a BB Tour was showing me how much more awesome it was... and how much easier it is to add contacts. Oh well. :-\

Shopping with alfygnosis was ultra successful! However, shopping with martianfrmplnv was not so successful :-( And neither trip helped me find my missing costume piece! Guess I'll be throwing my costume together last minute again.

Saw a super cute skirt while I was out with martianfrmplnv: red with two front pleats and a double-row white button waist closure. Sooo cute. I must re-create it in a proper size. It was sadly a teensy bit too small for either of us :-(

However, I DID get this other super cute skirt while I was out with alfygnosis. It's white with a scalloped edge and an embroidered, beaded peacock on it. :-)

Yay for cute skirts! Even if they don't fit and I need to recreate them.

Tomorrow I am going here Rock-A-Hoola Waterpark and wandering around. Yay adventure!

I have so many things to write about but I'm too tired to concentrate. Maybe tomorrow.

Stream of Rebeccascienceness

2009-10-26T21:19:54Z

I have no hunger. I think I've been over-fed for the entire week.

I am hungry for non-food items. For sewing and drawing and sleeping and writing and reflecting.

But if I don't eat, I get nauseous [I don't think my BC likes empty tummies].

And my head is too fuzzy to sew, draw, write or reflect... I think all I can do is sleep. Maybe process small chunks of information. Enough to do a little work at work, prove the Yahoo tech on the phone to be incorrect [in-his-phone-face], wonder why iPowerweb is having issues with my php script, and sit and stare at LJ.

*stares*

How do you win a staring contest with a website? If Livejournal successfully writes my post for me without my hitting keys does that count?

MENEHUNE!

*headdesk*

I need to make sure I get proper rest tonight. Also swallow an artillery of vitamins, minerals, and anticold/antiflu medications.

Then cover that with some tea.

Birthday week was great, but I am ready to curl up in bed with my Transit Maps of the World and dream of the day LA Rail is better and 80s music isn't on KRTH.

Then get up and go thrifting with martianfrmplnv or alfygnosis or Alex or whoever feels like looking at weird stuff with me tomorrow in hopes I find my most difficult Halloween costume piece.

Can I go home now?

TANTRUM!

*hides under the desk*

Kid Things

2009-10-16T05:20:19Z

I was enjoying a fresh bowl of Count Chocula when I began discussing my favorite cereals with csiallie and a few other people... and I came to the realization that the only cereal I don't like is Grape Nuts [too hard. Blech]. I really can't think of any others. I LOVE cereal.

It also reminded me of some discontinued cereals from my childhood. (Since you can only buy Chocula during October - which makes me excessively sad, it's almost like being discontinued.)

and their marshmallow-less counterpart

or

This prompted me to locate A Tribute to Discontinued Cereals (a 5 page treasure trove of discontinued cereals) whereupon, I realized I also miss: Oreo O's and Cinnamon Mini-Buns. And I'm sad I never sampled C3PO's, Pink Panther Flakes, Mr. T's and Nerds Cereal (what?!) I am unsure if I had Smurf-Berries... I think I did.

Would have also liked to try Croonchy Stars:

On another kid-related topic, I want to make some of these:

Where the Wild Things Are Gloves.

Aren't they AWESOME?! Me wants. I've always wanted paws. Now is my chance.

Also, I love kids shows. I don't think you realize what you're missing in the way of morning-goodness by not watching kids shows.

For instance:

Peep and the Big Wide World (narrated by Joan Cusack. Hells yes.)

and

It's a Big Big World (dude... singing sloth of awesomeness)

Achem... yes. I am 5. The end.

bec_bec @ 2009-10-15T13:41:00

2009-10-15T21:38:04Z

Aww man. I feel like head cold :-(

Hope I didn't contract Allison germs. Unless they're the good kind that make you love the color green and boots and mustaches. [I already loved the first two anyway.]

gigior and my hangout turned into a Tofu-Soup-Yours-Mine-And-Ours-Hollee's-Cocoa-Event. Which was nice :-), though quite impromptu. But, the more people to see the correct Lucille Ball/Henry Fonda version of Yours, Mine and Ours, the better.

On a thoughtful note:

Monday I was wandering around the Handmade Store which is always very inspirational and makes me want to make stuff. (just like museums make me want to sculpt and paint...) Some of the best motivation is "Some person made THAT unoriginal thing and it's in a museum/they're charging $100 for it???? Psssh. I could do that SO EASY." However, I firmly believe that some people overcharge for their handicraft.

Point in fact (as I told Alex after I saw it) being some business card-sized pieces of cardstock, each with a tiny plastic ninja glued to them and some little saying like "I'm a plastic ninja." $3 per card... I HAVE the little plastic ninjas. I bought them in Portland at Finnegans for 25cents a piece... 25cents for a ninja + some negligible cents for cardstock = nearly 1100% profit. A small amount of money... but a large profit nonetheless. Not that anybody actually buys those...

There are cooler things of course. Feather hairclips ($20 and up), sock turtles ($15 and up), Bacon and eggs candles (didn't check the price on these), some reasonably priced and others, not. And those things are all inspiring.

The handmade store also reminds me of a quote from 'Til There Was You: "I'm an architect... I look at how things are made." Largely, as an artist, I do the same.

I enjoy the framework and construction of things. I love schematics and angles and pipe elbows and support beams and archways... and I love well-made handicraft, because you can learn from it. Not only for the idea of what to make, but how it might be made. Whether you glue it, sew it, or do both. How a design fails or how it works. What draws your eye as original and unique, and what does not.

So walking through a museum or a handicraft store... or even just a pretty building... is like walking through a knowledge base to me.

But I also realized this week... lots of people don't see things that way. They don't observe, and deconstruct/reconstuct, they don't see frameworks and support beams and places where glue belongs... and that realization made me sad. Really sad. Because that's where I see the beauty in things. And so many other people don't see that beauty. And so things and life are just commonplace to them.

And I couldn't possibly deal with that view of things, it would make my life miserable. And I don't know how to react to it in others.... beyond being really really sad that they don't see what I see.

I know that I am partially an artist because I WANT people to see things the way I see them. That's also a part of why many musicians make music and writers write novels: to share what they see and hear and how they see and hear it. And they're also sad if you can't hear the sweetness of a chord progression or the depth of meaning in a phrase

I can drown in a chord progression or a turn of phrase. They can change my entire world.
So, I'm really puzzled if and when they don't change yours.

Sometimes I'm sure I think too much.

Something to Chew On: The revival of the American diner

2009-10-09T05:30:20Z

And is it really a revival? In some senses, the American diner has never left us Angelenos. Norms, Mel's and others even sport their old Googie inspired signs and buildings. We also house the oldest Bob's Big Boy here in Burbank (declared a California Point of Historic Interest in 1993). However, other chains like Sambo's and Van De Kamps have faded off the map (much to my parents' dismay.) And the newer locations of the diners that HAVE survived seem less enticing; new IHOPs no longer sport the big blue roofs I've always been fond of.

But I've seen the expansion (or re-expansion, in Bob's case) of two old American diners in the last year. To my equal dismay and delight [maybe a little more dismay, as it was my favorite pie shop], the Baker's Square near my parents' house became a Du-Par's this year. And an old Wherehouse Music location in Northridge - which was a wine-tasting store in the interim, is now the site of a brand new Bob's Big Boy.

Given the popularity of Bob's, it has always puzzled me how they had essentially fizzled up and died. True, as Clint Howard points out in Austin Powers "In some ways the Big Boy never left" - we still have the scattered locations and the bottled salad dressings. But, Bob's has overwhelmingly downsized since its heyday. Nevertheless, its memory has lived on, and the new Bob's location has seen 15 minute+ waits since its opening, all by word of mouth...

Neither Du-Pars or Bob's announced themselves to the neighborhood beyond placing signs on their soon-to-be locations: "coming soon." Unlike Kohl's, which recently opened in the same shopping center as Bob's, neither sent out coupons or flyers. Kohl's enticed me in with a $10 giftcard off any purchase of $10 or more; Bob's enticed me by memory. In essence, Bob's and Du-Pars fed off of their institutionalism. And that's the same reason people go to eat there.

It reminds us of what used to be good... and largely still is.

However, I still lament the loss of the architecture to tie the package up. New Bob's looks nothing like this:

And new Du-Pars simply adopted the building of Baker's Square. But what I wish for most, deep in my heart, is that more of these old Van De Kamp's buildings existed:

Nothing quite like circular dining. I can tell you from experience, as I've eaten at that Denny's ;-)

P.S. Yes, I spend more time than you'd expect searching old diner history. I stumped my mother today by asking the name of the original diner with the bubble windows that Coco's bought out in the 70s. I know she told me when I was a kid, because I told her I loved the bubble windows... and she said they were remainders of the original diner. However, she couldn't remember anymore... If you happen to know the answer to my question, I'll be quite happy :-) Either way, if you share my interest in diners, I highly suggest this book.

Part of my weekend (with soup)

2009-10-05T20:34:38Z

Edison's Soup Kitchen = check! (or ~~strike~~ for internet purposes ;-))

For those who were interested: You recieve 1/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich [a fairly delicious one, I might add] and a tiny cup of creamy tomato soup [about the size of an espresso cup]. The $0.35 cocktail is either a bourbon-whiskey blend called a Bail-out or a gin drink called a 401K. Also, since Soup Kitchen takes place during happy hour, all normal menu drinks [from the Libations page of the Catalogue of Parts] are 40% off... taking them from the [unreasonable]$14 + down to a more affordable $8+. Food, however, remains the same price.

Else, it was nice to finally sample food from their kitchen and non-absinthe from the bar, but the experience was definitely wholly different from hanging out at a Lucent Dossier night. I mean the DJ was playing Amos Lee (who I still love) as opposed to cool 20s style or ethereal stuff. Cuts down on the experience a little when the music isn't setting the right ambiance.

On the way downtown (on the subway) someone came through the train asking for change. After we told him that we had none, he moved on and approached a man with a briefcase further down the train. The briefcase man said to the change-guy "You know those kids aren't gonna give you change! Look at them. That's upper middle class right there. They don't give out change." Now, to be fair... briefcase man was dressed just as nicely as we were. Moreover... I'm really not Upper Middle Class, my income is below poverty level. Also, the skirt I was wearing was $3 from Salvation Army... as is a good portion of my entire wardrobe. So his statement got to me a little bit.

I've never been accused of having more money than I actually do. Or, to my knowledge, been so judged by physical appearance.

I'm not sure if I should be miffed or look at it on the brightside - we must have looked pretty nice and fancy to have been deemed "Upper Middle Class."

And in other news:

I found some great instant Miso Soup! I normally buy Annie Chun's:

Costs about $2.50 from Trader Joes (and $1 or so more elsewhere). It's delicious, a little oniony, and full of udon noodles.

Well, the other day I was at Ralph's and looking for straight up Miso (no noodles) and I picked up Kikkoman Miso Soup in a pouch for $2:

Considering the price of Annie Chun's, I assumed this bag was 1 serving of soup. However, it had three packets inside (and I love things that come in threes [yes it does say it has 3 on the outside, I was just in a hurry]). More value for my money. Also, the soup didn't taste like instant stuff from a packet! Tasted just like the miso they give you at a restaurant. Additionally, it has 3g of protein in one packet, good for us vegetarians :-D, and some pleasingly textured rehydrated seaweed. I've definitely been won over.

I think I'll replace my weekly ramen (except when I really want ramen) with some weekly Miso!

P.S. I now have tabbed browsing on my Blackberry. My dear phone, you have done nothing but please me for the last year. :-D

from inside the Rebecca Bubble

2009-10-01T08:00:40Z

I haven't completed anything on the To Do List that I made for myself on Monday. I've worked TOWARD completing things... but I haven't actually completed any of them.

This either means everything I put on my list takes an inordinately long amount of time, I'm being too much of a perfectionist, or I am not properly managing my time. Probably some combination of those three things.

However, work this week has gone by excellently fast! Which is a surprise seeing as I'm not entirely sure I am happy at my job... which generally makes the days drag on endlessly. Maybe it's because I created more projects for myself. And pointedly chose NOT to respond to a bating, passive-aggressive note from my boss' wife about the print quality of something that was not my responsibility.... It is very unlike me not to respond, as I respond to just about everything unless I am completely fed up with someone or if I find something uncalled for. But, well, I felt her note was uncalled for, I suppose. And I really wish she'd stop sitting at my work computer and fudging things up and then complaining that *I* messed them up... when I wasn't even there. My work computer sucks enough as it is. I'm hoping to convince boss to invest in a Mac when tax season rolls around and he has more cash flow.

Last week I made some AWESOME finds at Salvation Army for a rounded purchase of $20.95 - an old Carnation Cocoa mug, a Fur collar (which I believe is fox...), a cream colored silk and lace skirt that is perfect for Steampunk, a grey full-cut, waist-fit skirt with a funky wine-colored triangle pattern, a white button-up dress with small brown polka dots that belts at the waist (which I received an unexpected number of compliments on when I wore it), some little cardigan thing that someone had hand-sewn to the fur collar (I only wanted the collar, but for $3 total, I wasn't going to complain... and the cardigan didn't look so bad after I detached the two from one another), and a Fox Video VHS copy of My Neighbor Totoro (which is mainly significant as it was made in the 90s before Disney bought out the Studio Ghibli collection).

I'm hoping to find a shirt to go with my grey skirt tomorrow... but you can't press your luck with secondhand stores. You really only find stuff when you aren't looking and technically have no money to spend... but can't pass up such great finds. Though, who knows. Maybe I'll be lucky.

I want something similar to this secretary blouse. But strictly in a wine color (or maybe black) .

Of course, the only way to justify getting this new clothing is that I bagged up several key pieces of my old wardrobe and (per my to do list) should be taking them off to Buffalo Exchange for some monies and/or trade-ins. I think when I am done swapping out, I will be much happier with my wardrobe as a whole.

And if I'm lucky, Alex's mom will buy me a delicious H&M gift card for my birthday again *fingers crossed*

Also: reading Steinbeck's Travel's with Charlie. SO MUCH BETTER than Of Mice and Men (and I'm only 2 chapters in so far!). Why couldn't this be the assigned reading in school? Have a feeling I'll enjoy it as much as Kerouac's On the Road. Nom nom literature.

bec_bec @ 2009-09-29T10:32:00

2009-09-29T18:06:19Z

Sometimes I think that life is nicer when you're first meeting people. And everyone has that "new-person-crush"... where you want to invite each other to do just about anything because you find each other so interesting. But, over time you become friends and, like any sort of relationship, it becomes less exciting or necessary to invite each other to do EVERYTHING. Instead you plan out events, or maybe actual days of "hangout"-ness. But that need to get to know each other diminishes [and sometimes not because you actually KNOW each other now. Just because you've already settled who you THINK someone is.]

And then you get busy. With life. And other new people. And some older friends get pushed to the periphery of your life. The outskirts.

We all do it. And we don't do it because we MEAN to do it... it's just the natural progression of things. We can't see EVERYBODY all of the time.

But there are other friends who we do pointedly hang out with less. Because their company becomes monotonous, they only talk about the same things, they don't listen well, or they have nothing insightful to offer us.

And I'm always dreadfully afraid that I'm falling into the latter group. I don't have anything interesting to talk about... or I always talk about the same things... or you think you can't call me at 3 o'clock in the morning and get a good listening ear... or I'm incapable of giving sound advice about your life dilemma.

I try to counter my subconscious: you have plenty of interesting things to talk about, you're usually on some new kick or obsession every week, if not every day, you've always made it a point to be completely available to people, no matter the time or distance, and you're usually pretty good at weighing arguments from all sides.

So then, I have to settle that I've fallen into the former group - inadvertently drifted to the outside of people's lives.

But man does that suck sometimes, as inadvertent as it may be. Especially when I make plans with people to remedy the fact that we haven't hung out in a while... and our plans get canceled or miscommunicated for any number of reasons.

It's not purposeful. And I try not to take it personal. But it really bums me out.

You see... I ALWAYS think that you are interesting, that you talk about interesting things, that you're pretty good at listening and that you have sound advice. If I didn't feel that way, I wouldn't be friends with you to begin with.

I just hope that somehow, there's a little more time in your life for me. Because missing people when they're right in front of you, or only live a few miles away from you, is pretty ridiculous... but I find myself doing it a lot. And I really don't like it :-(

And I can't always be the one to invite you to do something. Because that's very one-sided and unfair to me.

Conversely, if you feel that you've drifted to the outskirts of MY life, please know that it was unintentional... and if you call me to make plans, it's almost certain I'll say yes.

You mean it's a REAL river?

2009-09-25T22:02:16Z

Last weekend, Alex and I were driving down Burbank Blvd -- on our way to meet storiedreamr and her boyfriend for some delicious fish and chips! -- and I noted, for the first time, that there weren't any "No Trespassing" signs posted on the gates facing into the Sepulveda Dam. This sparked the idea that, if I investigated, I might find that it was actually entirely legal to walk INTO the dam.

Wednesday night I did a short reconnaissance mission to the Balboa Park LA River region. I found the bike path I used to ride on with my family and turned left, walked over a bunch of gopher holes, and discovered that I could actually walk INTO the river. Out of delight I continued walking -- looking at the river -- and then suddenly realized that I was walking behind a fence. Turning back, I noted that the fence had only started a few feet earlier... leaving an entire 300feet of the river [where I had entered] un-fenced and unmarked by "No Trespassing" signs. I looked at the fence, noted the penal code on its No Trespassing sign, and determined that I would look into whether or not the 300ft of un-fenced river could still be considered as a trespassing zone.

I consulted with Cait about the possibility of adventuring into the dam and/or river on Thursday morning and she agreed that it sounded like fun.

After reading up on CA Penal Code 602, I determined that the 300ft of unfenced river COULD still be a trespassing zone but that, so long as we left -- if requested to leave by a peace officer -- we would receive no ticketing/charges/etc. Instead of testing that 300ft of space, however, we decided to go with the gates where I hadn't seen any trespassing signs, closer to the dam.

At 9 am, after consuming some toaster pastries, we set out to see what we could see.

If you're at the intersection of Sepulveda Blvd and Burbank Blvd, heading west, just after you pass the 405 entrance, you will see a tiny parking lot. I've passed it multiple times and always wondered what the deuce it was for. Turns out, it's about 8-10 parking spaces-worth of space for visitors to the Sepulveda Basin Wild Life Area. It's a bona fide city hiking/jogging trail.

After walking uncomfortably in the sun (I had forgotten my sunblock) heading North (away from the dam) along a stone pile that is likely a flood-barrier of the basin, we finally got to the grassy park area. An entire fake-fairground had been set up for an episode of The Mentalist, and we did our best not to disturb filming as we passed through to the Wild Life Area gate. From here, the first trail looked much like a dirt trail you would find in any hiking park. However, standing on a wooden bridge in the middle of a marsh is ENTIRELY atypical of the San Fernando Valley. And I highly recommend it :-)

The Marsh was full of cattails (the kind that look like those round cartoon cattails you always see... THEY ACTUALLY EXIST!) and thousands upon thousands of minnows! There were also ducks, storks, egrets, and some larger fish [probably heron?].

We encountered a few people: joggers, a man with his dog who was also photographing the dam, a group of well-dressed age 40s-50s-ish people who appeared to be discussing something about the river basin, a hispanic couple doing bottle-retrieval, and a group of 12 or so city-workers clearing burned foliage.

The contract workers were in a tunnel that leads from the marsh area (North of Burbank Blvd) to the dam (South of Burbank Blvd.) At first, since they were in the tunnel, we weren't sure we would be allowed to go through. However, they assured us that it was legal and we were allowed to proceed.

Sure enough, as the drive-by with Alex had suggested, there were no tresspassing signs to be seen ANYWHERE. Rather, there were trail markers and a clear and present path directly to the dam and the river.

In point of fact, this part of the LA River looks A LOT LIKE A RIVER! Kind of shocking considering how cemented the river is to the West of Balboa Park and to the East of the dam. But, for the two miles or so through the park up to the dam, the river has a natural dirt bottom and a bunch of foliage growing in it. We were actually sad we didn't have waterproof shoes to go island hopping in the riverbed... but that will have to wait for another trip.

This small area is actually part of what the LA River Revitalization Plan (adopted in 2007) is supposed to be recreating up and down the river. More parklands and more areas where people have access to a natural-looking river. [You can read more about it at Friends of the Los Angeles River or City of Los Angeles - Los Angeles River Revitalization. Some of the least depressing things I've read about our river.] And, while it's unlikely there will ever be enough water to make it a swimmable river [other than during storms, when it would be dangerous to go swimming], it is quite definitely a nice communal place to hang out "down by the river."

Marshland

Prickly cactus

The LA River is really a river!

the storm drains of the dam

the dam

From afar, I'd always thought the black areas were cut-outs filled in by shadows... but they are actually what appears to be black cement.

the lighting made great shadows

the top of the dam [you can't walk here. It's gated]

East side of the dam

the full dam

Eastbound LA River, back into a cement channel

An incomplete [but it's a start] list of things I want to do in the nearish vicinity of SoCal

2009-09-23T04:11:43Z

•Alfred Shryock Museum of Embryology - Fetuses and Skeletons, oh my!
•Barnsdall Art Park - to my knowledge I have never been to the art museum here... so I must go, of course.
•The Bradbury Building - still never been... and it's so pretty looking.
•Boardner's Actor's Jam - Free Shakespeare *nod*
•Cabazon Dinosaurs - aforementioned reasons
•Chateau Marmont & Bar Marmont - this place looks so classy! I want to wander around. Then eat delicious food.
•Charles Shulz Museum - was closed last time I went. But I love me some Peanuts!!!
•Dennis the Menace Park - more for the name than anything else.
•Echo Park Stairwells - started this mission with alfygnosis and vexedvagabond... but must continue
•El Cabrillo - only just found out this ISN'T just a set. You can STAY THERE. Been drooling over this courtyard since its appearance in 1997's 'Til There Was You
•Exotic World - alfygnosis just found this one.... classy stripper museum!
•Exploratorium - so pretteh!
•The Great Los Angeles Air Raid - previously mentioned event of interest
•Home of Wayward Streetlights - i LOVE streetlights. I must go to this at night, of course.
•The Huntington - what is more pleasing to me than architecture, garderns and art? Well... maybe food... but the other three are high on my list!
•Kayaking the LA River - hells yes!!!
•LA River Bike Path - my dad says it's a fun ride. Always been meaning to go!
•Mojave Airport Boneyard - The Mojave Airport website tells me that tours can "sometimes be arranged."
•Orange Empire Railway Museum - previously mentioned.
•Richard Lillard Outdoor Classroom - LA River classroom for ecology and plant-life? Mmm hmm.
•Rock-A-Hoola Waterpark - semi-abandoned water park... yes, yes YES.
~~•Sepulveda Dam - I only just found out this week that you can legally climb in here without trespassing o_o~~ DONE
•Sixth Street Viaduct - I know, how could someone with my interest in LA not have been to visit the viaduct...
~~•Soup Kitchen at the Edison - free grilled cheese and tomato soup plus depression era priced cocktails? All over it.~~
•Subway Terminal Building - having been to one end of the belmont tunnel/Hollywood subway, I'd greatly like to know if the other one still exists... no one seems to talk about it. But if I lived there, you could be damned sure I'd be poking around the basement at night :-p
•Tujunga Wash Greenway - sounds like a nice morning walk or bike ride!
•Western Center for Archaeology and Paleontology - self explanatory.
•Winchester Cheese Co - tours of a gouda factory? I think yes.
•Winchester Mystery House - ever since angry_vampire mentioned it, it's been on my list of must-dos!

Feel free to comment if you have been or if you would like to go. Or, if you have something to add to my list, mention it and link me :-)!

This has been going on since the 80s?! And this is how I find out? You tell me!!!

2009-09-21T22:53:01Z

Though that quote is not quite apropos to this post... I thought of it as I began "Back in the 1980s, when I was 4..."

... There is a picture of me flying a kite near the Cabazon Dinosaurs. I have wanted to revisit these dinosaurs ever since then, but discovered last night that they are now part of a giant exhibit on Creationism.... So I'm not sure how I feel about being a patron now. Why couldn't they just continue life as a roadside attraction of awesomeness? Commercialist Creationists have killed my dinosaurs :-(

At any rate, the Cabazon Dinosaurs were supposed to become part of my recently created "Things to Do!" bookmark folder - where I will keep track of awesome things that I would like to do [from touring cheese factories to spelunking storm drains]... and I guess I will still put them there so that I can TRY to re-live my 80s childhood.... but I am greatly saddened by this discovery.

All of these things are culminating in a direction, I'm just unsure what that direction is...

2009-09-07T07:02:48Z

About a year and a half ago, I went in search of the pedestrian under-crossings outside of Los Angeles schools and discovered the old Hollywood Subway in the process. My research of the subway led to a spelunking adventure (one of the last possible) and continued research of Pacific Electric and Los Angeles' old streetcars and trolleys. During this time, my senses were awakened to a desire for history, and I wanted as much information as I could get about LA's past.

I've borrowed books from the library about various parts of the city (Wilshire Blvd. or Echo Park or the LA River, for instance) and spent many nights trolling the internet for this or that thing. I've spent hours in the Los Angeles Public Library's photo holdings or browsing flickr. Often-times, I go on random adventures (with or without friends) to explore Los Angeles locales that I have yet to experience: walks down broadway or midnight trips to Union Station.

I might say that I'm in the perfect time and place for all of this research, with places like Cicada Club and the Edison recreating some of the past magic that was Los Angeles in the early 1900s. Or with Steampunk on the rise, as people seek a way to fuse the past and present in beautiful, creative ways.

And I find, more and more concentrically, that I am being led back to this path. This research of Los Angeles' past. This attempt at uncovering its hidden heart. At recreating some part of it for our future.

Today, Alex and I drove past an old air raid siren... something I've been curious about since I was a child, but had never gotten around to researching. So, I looked it up. I discovered there are at least 226 recorded sirens in Los Angeles... and in 2005, people had begun photo documentation of them. But no one finished. While my immediate urge was to continue their photo set, my underlying urge was to begin drawing these sirens. So I researched more (for photo resources) and discovered an annual event honoring the 1942 "Battle of Los Angeles". Who else might this be sponsored by than Maxwell DeMille... the man behind Cicada Club. Once again, concentric.

I'd like to go to the event in February (if anyone would be interested to join me, perhaps?) but more importantly, this put me right back in the throes of Los Angeles history....

So I wonder, yet again, what I'm meant to be doing with all of this knowledge.

And is it so simple as, in my own way, capturing Los Angeles as Steve Martin or Charles Bukowski have... but in the way that Paul Madonna captured San Francisco in All Over Coffee - a blending of art and writing.

Fires and Artwork/Prospective Academic Futures

2009-09-01T19:11:06Z

Everytime there's a fire lately, I get Grapevine Fires by Death Cab stuck in my head. "The news reports on the radio said it was getting worse [...] The firemen worked in double shifts with prayers for rain on their lips."

It's cloudy today, and not smokey cloudy, actual cloudy. Maybe that's some reprieve. The last few days, I could just see this massively tall cloud of bright, white steam with a halo of hazy smoke surrounding it, hovering over the hillside like a nuclear mushroom cloud. Then at night, the whole east side of the valley would be glowing, like the fire stretched on forever. In a way, it's beautiful; in another, it's horrific.

My lung capacity lately leaves something to be desired, so the smoke is not helping... and I'm fearful of going running when the only thing I have at home to help my breathing is a super-expired inhaler. So, that's how the fire has affected me, seeing as I am not in any other personal danger from it.

Eventually we'll become de-sensitized, I bet. And the "end of days" described in Grapevine Fires will be old-hat. If the world ever does combust, all of Southern California will go "ho-hum, what else is new? Those hills are always on fire." Maybe we'll even be lucky enough to develop gill-like smoke filters. Or, if you don't believe in evolution, we'll just all perish and be done with it. Personally, I'm still in favor of a valley mote. It's practical and functional. (Perhaps even useful in a zombie apocalypse.)

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Last week, while neglecting to do work at work (like I do), I discovered that Art Center (where I've wanted to go for years now) has a special "Art Center at Night" program to serve multiple purposes. 1) to help prospective students in the Undergrad/Grad programs create work for the portfolio you must submit with your application. 2) to help professionals stay up-to-date with the creative edge of "design" 3) to help prospective students decide if Art Center is right for them 4) to help prospective students decide what area they'd like to major in.

I could easily fit into all four of these categories: I need more portfolio work, I'd like to learn more graphic design for professional purposes, I don't know if Art Center is where I should be and I can't decide between Graphic Design and Fine Art for my art bachelor's.

It's still not a cheap prospect (classes are $700 or more + material fees), but they award scholarships for it the same as they do for their Undergrad/Grad programs. The scholarship covers the cost of one class + material fees. So, given that I wow the people who award the scholarships, I could take one class at Art Center for free to determine if I'd like to go there as a full time student.

Their fall semester begins September 8, so I think they're in a bit of a tizzy like most schools at the beginning of the year. I plan to schedule an appointment with one of their counselors during the following two weeks to discuss my "options." Given that I completed most of the lower-level art classes at CSUN, I am hoping to transfer some over, effectively decreasing the cost/time I would need to spend at Art Center if I choose to go their as an Undergrad.

It's all hypothetical, but I got really bummed that everyone was going back to school and I wasn't. So, it was time to take action. Also, I need to stop doubting the fact that I SHOULD have enough talent to get some sort of scholarship to continue my education.

Hence, I should have until October sometime to create a portfolio for Spring 2010 semester. Meaning, I need to get on it.

Unfortunately, a good portion of my work is inaccessible because I gave it away to friends. hihoplastic is out of the country and therefore unable to send me anything. And guitarslinger and I only recently ended a full year of silent treatment - during which time my paintings got misplaced or stolen or who knows what (I'm not bitter about it, just sad that they're gone... as it was a lot of my best stuff). My parents have two paintings that could be of use, and I have one or two drawings I might use. So I just need to make some other stuff to round out to 12 or more pieces for a portfolio. I am also allowed to submit an entire sketchbook (as a single piece of the required 12)... so I should buy a new one and get going.

So, if you have inspiration, please send it my way. And if you'd like me to paint you something, please ask away. I will borrow it for my portfolio and then gladly give it to you as a present :-)

A tiny piece of my heart on a wall.

2009-08-25T07:30:28Z

I love when people build upon what you make.
I love finding out that people connected with what I chose to put on the Elliott Smith Memorial... because I spent a lot of time thinking about it.
I love finding photos of something I put into the world. Tiny as it is.

I found this photo tonight.

Someone added the XO to the red balloon. And then photo-enhanced the color (it looks like).

It's the 5th hit of an "elliott smith memorial 2009" photo search through google.

I looked around Flickr after that. People titled their photos of my message so many different ways. "Between the Bars" "Look at the Stars" "Red Balloon" I found it interesting to know what people thought the strongest or most relevant point of the painting was. Everybody sees it differently and takes something different away from it. And I'm just glad that my message was received.

Someone (or several people) have tagged over a lot of the messages again. When I'm in Echo Park on thursday, I will drop by Silverlake on the way. I can still see my message in the background of most people's photos... and the part of me that understands graffiti (not tagging, graffiti) says that it's supposed to change and be marked over and undergo all sorts of revolutions... but the other part of me says "bring fresh paint and do a touch-up if need be."

I hope I get to see this one
. It wasn't there the last time I visited.

Life stuffs

2009-08-24T22:22:36Z

Boss was not feeling well today, so he went home early. This was beneficial for me because I wasn't in the mood to deal with him much today anyway.

An internet acquaintance who was quite dear to some friends of mine passed away yesterday. We had heard she went into hospice on friday after her health went downhill following chemo. I'm glad she didn't suffer long. At any rate, because she is so dear to my friends, I've spent most of the day sending what little comfort can be sent via the interwebs and helping to arrange for flowers to be sent to her family in Oklahoma.

It's put me into an odd mood. Neither introspective nor sad per se. I'm not sure how to classify it.

Also, a lot of you seem bummed that school is starting... but you're sad because you have to be there. I'm sad because I'm NOT there. I really need to figure out how to make continuing education affordable.

I bought a pattern for a 1940s button-up dress and started sewing it this weekend. The bodice is just about finished. I'm looking forward to it turning out. It will have been completely hand-stitched, which is part of the satisfaction factor.

Thursday I will go tromping around Echo Park on the 35 publicly recorded stairwells of the area. vexedvagabond is to join me. Whoever else might be interested is also welcome. And if no one joins me, I'll just wander around on my own and think of Elliott Smith. And hopefully maybe have some dinner with Ry? (I should facebook him....)

Tonight I need to make business cards. Honestly. Alex, please make sure I do this :-p I need them.

I love my boyfriend and life is pretty good. I like adventures and I need more of them. I like art and I need to make more of it. And that's all I've got for now.

Current Reading and the Projects that Stem Forth from it.

2009-08-19T22:32:05Z

Currently reading: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (almost finished), Audrey Style (about half-way), and Handmade Nation (about a quarter of the way).

I noticed something important from Audrey Style: Audrey Hepburn has a cowlick! And therefore, she almost always had her bangs parted right where the cowlick was. I too suffer from a cowlick and it is constantly keeping my bangs from staying flat. In fact, they sometimes randomly separate right at the cowlick... and as parted bangs was not what I was aiming for, it annoys me immensely. However, on Audrey, it looks adorable. And I realized it is because of the style she has her bangs cut in. She doesn't have the blunt cut that I do, but rather a side-sweeping cut aimed at making the part at the cowlick look intentional. Therefore, I shall refashion my bangs (once they grow out a little more) and have Audrey bangs so that I can stop dealing with my annoying cowlick and just let it be.

Audrey's motto was to use your flaws to your advantage instead of fighting them. So, I shall embrace my annoying cowlick and be done with it.

Before I left on vacation (while I was packing) I decided that I could cut out half of my wardrobe and not be sad about the loss. So, I've started pulling items out and putting them in a bag. There are two-or-three things that I am going to scrap for the fabric so that I can make them into something new. Everything else is going off to Buffalo Exchange and, if Buffalo doesn't want it, to Goodwill. Then I can pick up some new things... like this cute dress I found on Etsy.

Concentrically, as things often are, Handmade Nation would have pointed me to Etsy if I hadn't already found it by accident while surfing some vintage blogs about a month ago. It's a pretty reasonable place to do vintage shopping and you don't have to deal with those weird smells the smaller vintage stores seem to wreak of... They also have a LARGE collection of handcrafted items. Including a knitted apple-cozy that I REALLY want. What better way to pack an apple for lunch/snack than to put it in its own cozy?

Part of the idea behind reading Handmade Nation was to get myself motivated to make things... specifically my own clothing, which I REALLY want to do. I am finding, however, that my fear of sewing machines makes things take three billion times longer to accomplish. I also need to sew some sort of holder for my notary supplies... and a sleeve for my tablet.

Ideally I will just make one giant tote/messenger bag with tons of compartments... one in specific to fit vinyl albums like penguinstampede's messenger bag, because that's useful AND awesome. I found an Andy Warhol bag akin to what I'd like... but aside from being $40, it was an Andy Warhol bag... and I'm not big on advertising things I'm not ardently in love with (like Andy Warhol). So I snapped a picture of its innards as a model.

The pile of things I'd like to do seems to just keep growing... so I need to climb on top of it and get some of it done. *nod nod* And hopefully Alex doesn't need any more time-consuming costume-work in the meantime :-p It cuts down on my motivation to sew things for myself when I've gotta sew for other people.

Oh... and I "handcrafted" a pie. An oatmeal cookie crust apple pie. It was DELICIOUS. And not too unhealthy considering the oatmeal (micro-scrubbers for your arteries, you know!).

I really do feel much better when I am creating things.