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January 23rd, 2012


11:42 am
I'm feeling very much like that Ira Glass talk on creativity lately.

Like I've spent all of these years cultivating my tastes, improving and fine-tuning them -- which I will go on to do for a while (forever, really) -- and I'm maybe just finally reaching a point where better stuff is coming out.

I also think I had a dream that lined up with something executivegoth told me... that eventually I would find some sort of project that would make me fall off the face of the Earth. Or, well... at least withdraw more.

I'm not going to explain the exact scenario of my dream because it was fairly complicated, but I boiled down the meaning to be: I'm distracted. I'm distracted from all of my awesome ideas that I half-started or haven't quite started. And I'm not getting enough of them done or progressing on them, even.

It's an on-going/long-standing battle of my life to balance social time against creative time. And I realize in general lately, I've been sort of craving social-creative time. Or, maybe I was craving it all along -- like art class, which is definitely a social, creative time to me.

Now, being social in general pleases me and also presents lots of good networking opportunities to meet this-or-that interesting person. And a lot of that sometimes leads to more of my good ideas.

But I'm still not spending enough time incubating my good ideas. And I have my social schedule, and the amount of time I spend commuting, to blame. Things are out of balance. And I haven't fixed them. So I need to.

I realize that now is the time to invest in myself. And while many of my projects require the mental-space of alone-time... I think most of my social activities henceforward should somehow be helping me progress on my creative projects... or else I'll need to turn into a hermit. And I don't want to. So, if people want to hang out, I should stress that it involves: glue, sewing needles, laptops with writing/design programs, sketchbooks and so forth.

(8 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

August 15th, 2011


03:24 pm - What's the Urgent Urgency?
I've had my phone volume off pretty much non-stop for the last few weeks. It's set to a special sound profile where it will still ring for phone calls, but silence all other notifications (no vibrating either).

The very obvious reasoning, at the beginning, was not wanting to jump every time I got a text, because I was waiting on a specific message.

But I ended up deciding... I really prefer it this way. So I left the volume/vibrating off.

My phone no longer interrupts my thinking or my social activities. I can check it when I like -- which is much less often than I would be checking it if it kept making noises at me.

I've also been delaying my responses. If I do get messages, I don't respond immediately. This feels better. This feels like it's helping me with my time issue. Nothing feels urgent or pressing or super necessary. It can all just flow at a comfortable pace for ME. If it is something actually important, then I will respond to it quickly and if it is not/just chatting, I will take my time.

Breathing space is lovely.

I feel like that Onion article about the guy who realized how much time he was wasting...
Current Music: Tighten Up by The Black Keys

(5 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

July 24th, 2011


10:57 pm
My social experiment went well.

It was mainly addressing a (rather common) phobia about large groups of unknown people. I tend to find myself either nervously quiet or incapable of striking up conversations, and I feel I come off sort of rude and pretentious [I have no basis for this judgement]. Or I just look unapproachable. Most often, I won't put myself into that situation. There are obvious cases -- like the first day of school -- where it's been necessary. But everyone is sort of on the same page for that kind of thing.

With parties or gatherings... you're often walking into pre-established friend groups. Everyone knows each other, but you don't know anyone. Or, you only know the host. And you can't just hang out with the host, that's clingy and uncomfortable for everyone.

Sometimes, if I know I'm going to be attending an event where I only know the host, I invite a friend along. It guarantees you have someone to talk with in the event that everyone else is boring, you run out of things to say, etc. But usually... I just plain skip going to events where I don't know anyone. There has to be some strong motivating factor [like someone I am interested in dating is there or is the host...] to get me to attend.

I decided I'd throw all that out the window for a party last night. Or, well, to keep specifics, I kept thinking of inviting someone to go with me... and I didn't. And I knew Jude MIGHT go to this party near the end, or he might not show up at all, but I would assuredly be on my own for at least 3 solid hours.

It was my friend Julia's birthday party. Julia and I have been in that "threatening to hang out" mode for about a year, since we met through Jude. It just kept not happening. So, showing up at her birthday seemed like a good time to try and break the mold.

Now, Julia is an actress. So, I'm going to grant that this sample group biased my experiment a little bit. Actors are, on the whole, generally more chatty and extroverted. And about half the party-goers were actors. The other half were Latvian people. And Latvian people are as kind and welcoming and prepared to stuff you full of food as any of their Eastern European neighbors :) So they were pretty easy to converse with as well.

Once I was at the party, it turned out I had met a few other people through Jude at various play events. Some of them I remembered, some of them remembered me. But everyone was pretty easy to talk with. And any time I felt I was sort of sliding out of groups, I'd go find a new one and insert myself in the conversation. This required a fair amount of confidence on my part. And one or two times when I'd drifted from a conversation, I was like "well, I could just go sit over there along the wall." But then I said to myself "No, no wallflowering! Talk!"

So, I did.

And I made lots of friends. I even remembered to bring my "calling" cards and hand them out to a few people. I made good enough friends with the bartender and his wife, that they even offered to give me a ride home so that I didn't need to worry about the bus. :)

Success.

This is useful and important on a number of levels. 1. It combats the quiet wallflowering 2. I think it helped lower my intimidation factor [which many of you know is another concern of mine] 3. It says to me "Hey, you have the sort of personality where... you can go into a room of unknown people and have plenty of likable and interesting things to say." That helps my confidence. No matter how often anyone tells me I'm interesting or awesome, I have to repeatedly prove it to myself.

I also helped make Julia's night. I was the only one to bring food [frost your own red velvet cookies with cream cheese frosting -- delicious and complimented all night long], I was her first non Latvian-family guest [even though I was 40minutes late], and I was one of the last to leave. I even played Flip-Cup with her at the end of the night.

It was nice. And Jude did show up, but only briefly. So I couldn't even use him as a social crutch :)

(2 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

July 23rd, 2011


12:56 pm
Tonight I will conduct a social experiment on myself.
Current Music: Black Water by Timber Timbre

(8 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

July 21st, 2011


12:13 pm - Shoes!
A few weeks ago I had a dream where I owned a pair of Tom's brand shoes in red. I think I mentioned a few posts back that they seem like awesome shoes, just kind of expensive, definitely hipster-y and I don't like the boxy toe. I've heard from friends that they're extremely comfortable, though.

Well, being me, I got curious. Could I MAKE my own shoes similar to Tom's? The design is really simple. I would just eliminate the boxy toe.

yep, I'm gonna make themCollapse )

(play with my headphones)

May 23rd, 2011


01:45 pm
Advise me:

What is a good way of explaining to someone, without being rude, that there is a fine line between persistence and over-persistence. And that the latter inspires a brick wall from me?

(10 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

May 17th, 2011


07:43 pm - Yoga
I've added fifteen minutes of yoga to my morning routine for the past week. I feel REALLY good. It's not a length of time that makes for some phenomenal work-out... but it helps relax and stretch my muscles and is improving my flexibility. So I am pleased :)

(play with my headphones)

May 5th, 2011


04:29 pm
Shakabuku: n. a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.

I had something akin to a Shakabuku last week. It was enormously useful and I'm still letting all of the pieces fall together in my altered perspective. Explaining exactly what it is and how this alteration occurred is... more emotionally revealing than I feel like being right now, because it's so very very personal to me. Also, I'm not yet ready for anybody else's words of wisdom, words of encouragement, etc. I need it to be something I approach with only my own thoughts in my head.

I will say, vaguely, that it has to do with the way certain behaviors become ingrained in us... who they come from, how they manifest, and how they sometimes affect us in negative ways without our being aware.

I managed to pull so many things I'd only half-noticed or half-worked-on related to this topic that... I feel like I have so much more work to do than I was aware of before. But it's good work. Really really good work... on me.

It's interesting and so perfectly aligned that I picked up a stone in New Orleans that is meant to "support healing from relationships." More fitting still that when I attempted to explain part of my Shakabuku to Jude, he said he'd also recently been examining how people in his past, including his parents, had shaped his behaviors in ways he didn't necessarily want for himself. I like when things trend nearby.

It's not things that I have been entirely unaware of, but perhaps things I hadn't measured the full degree of until now.

Anyway... it's made things better. I've spent a lot of time trying to put these pieces together and pull certain things into my life.... I think I'm reaching the point where I don't need to do so much work anymore and it will just happen on its own. So I can just focus on my creativity and self-improvement: an exciting prospect.
Current Music: Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People

(play with my headphones)

January 20th, 2011


09:09 pm
I had such a lovely day today!

I woke up after 10 hours of sleep [which I needed, I've been so tired lately. I was thinking it might be an iron issue since my circulation is also not as good as it should be for the amount of physical activity I get, so I've been taking a vitamin B complex to help my iron absorption. I'm not sure its done much...]

I had coffee, I caught up on Facebook and Plurk, I read links and watched videos. There's a new LA River site (awesome!) and there are a lot of pretty train stations that were demolished (sad). I heard a new song I really liked by a very talented 16 year old girl. It was great. I shared whatever I felt was applicable with Facebook, then I set out.

My only plan for today was to go to Rite Aid and get my birth control prescription turned in... and it was so nice out that I decided I'd walk there instead of metroing. So I took 8th to Vermont and then Vermont up to 3rd, where the Rite Aid is near Shatto Lanes [Wrong-handed bowling locale].

I passed so many little restaurantsCollapse )
Current Music: I Follow Rivers by Lykke Li

(13 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

December 30th, 2010


02:34 pm - I found her

Anatomical Sweet Sue


Wanna be my lamp? I bet you doooo. Now to see if I can find a cheaper one of you....
Current Music: Be Still My Heart by Postal Service

(10 played with my headphones | play with my headphones)

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