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Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
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1:07 am - Unlocked from last week
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It's become a tradition to turn introspective in the fall. To question myself and where I'm at. To listen to too much acoustic music and stare at the ceiling. To wonder why I never got to meet Elliott Smith and to visit his memorial wall whenever I can. This is autumn for me.
I put on scarves and coats and think about life. I'm not sure, but I think I like that way of life best, and it factors into why I want to live in Portland, where it's cooler and I can think.
In some ways, I hate thinking all of the time, and feeling so introspective... In others, I cherish it. And this year, I've taken the opportunity to really turn inside myself. These days we write journals to share things with people. We blog to be heard. But once upon a time, the act was for oneself. And what you wrote was your own. In a small way, my journal is also this, and I have been using it to evaluate who I was and who I am.
In some ways I see vast personal growth, in others, I note no change at all. I am still much the same as I've always been. Very easy and open with my love, forgiving and sometimes unnecessarily naive, but also holding my heart close. I don't share at least half the things I think about. My thoughts are my own just as one's journal is one's own. And what I have to say to myself is not often what I have to say to all of you. Private posts are for insecurities and things I need to get down on "paper" to properly evaluate them. I admit things to myself here. And they are often things I don't talk about. Things that make me sad or cause me great confusion and turmoil. And I try to work through them. Some of them I get through easily; others, I'm still working on.
I still think in livejournal format, constantly. Everywhere I go, I am composing posts. I am picking words to describe feelings. I'm framing stories. Deciding what I tell and what I keep out. What belongs to me and what I want to share with all of you. Some of them are so witty... but I end up digressing. And I can't pull the pieces apart, so I don't post at all. I constantly edit... read and re-read what I write. Perception is so important to being understood... and understanding is so closely linked to my relationships with other people.... that I hate to consider the large possibility of being misunderstood. And though I offer myself penance at the thought that each person will understand differently based on their own experiences, I often worry that, on the whole, my point is lost.
Oblio's mother would make me a hat for that, I know, but I'm not in that story. I'm in this one, whatever it is and wherever it's going.
I try to share these things for the dual purpose of being understood and also understanding. Because if anybody else feels even 3% close to this, then we've got something in common, and my thoughts aren't useless -- if you consider thoughts as having inherent value, which I'm pretty sure I do. And useless thoughts should not be thought unless they aren't in fact useless (which they usually aren't).
I also find that I am often stuck in circular, unexplainable logic. Complementary thoughts that feed each other. And I forget where I started thinking of them because I constantly end up back where I was. I don't know if any of you ever feel like that, but I know I certainly do.
I'm never sure where things begin and things end. Where I should force myself forward with a shove, or allow myself to mellow back. But I take solace in knowing that whatever speed I'm going at will inevitably be right... because it has to be when the only other choice is that it isn't.... and I certainly won't settle for that. Cautiously optimistic or rationally optimistic. Either way, there's always so much more to learn, so many more barriers to break, so much more knowledge to attain, and so many ways to grow as a person.
And above all, I can at least ascertain from my journal that I am constantly growing, which is perhaps the most calming thought of all.
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| Monday, November 23rd, 2009
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12:23 am - Untranslatables
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As some of you may remember in the summer of 2007, I was studying untranslatable words.
For the linguistic-minded, I had been meaning to post up a list of my favorite untranslatable words ever since... and yes, that's how back-logged I am on things I'd like to write about. I was reminded of these words twice in the course of the week, so I decided it was time to sit down and put this together.
This is not the entirety of what I collected, but instead, a few choice words and phrases that would be nice to weave into common conversation. Also, there are often words in other languages that describe things which take entire sentences in English, such as "qualia" -- I can't put these experiences into words (though, I do fancy "aphasia" for this same purpose/lack of words.)
( untranslatables )
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| Thursday, November 19th, 2009
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3:08 am - Thoughts on LJ
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I intended to be in bed at this hour, but instead I started researching myself.
I always knew that writing on a consistent basis would become useful to me at some point. Maybe that point is now.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) vexedvagabond and I realized earlier that if I have 1528 posts total since 2003 (and I joined LJ in the fall of '03), I have averaged about 255 posts per year. Which means, approximately 70% of the days in a year are days that I have written LJ posts.
To be fair, some days have multiple posts (I think I maxed at 6 posts in one day somewhere in there). Also, if you were to browse my journal, it wouldn't seem like there were 1528 posts. Almost all of 2006 is now private-locked [an act I completed in the beginning of 2007 as emotional cleansing], and, on the whole, a good 2/3 of my journal is private-locked anyway.
At any rate, I found myself browsing 2007 shortly before I met xdenverxmaxx and boymaenad and gradually became friends with other Rocky-related folks. This seemed like a good time marker.
From there I determined several things:
1. My writing style hasn't changed [I don't know if this is good or bad.]
2. On the whole, the topics of my journal vary wildly. One post I found was ripping on the uselessness of several words in the Russian vocabulary. In another, I was solving a cross-multiplication problem for a friend. And, in still another, I was baking my very first homemade pie. Some of these events, I probably wouldn't have remembered were it not for LJ (especially that Russian one).
-- as a sub topic, I'm glad to have proven that my LJ is never consistently about one subject. I think that would be quite boring to read. I'd prefer for it to have a "little bit for everyone" because... I try to have a little bit for everyone. And I should always have something of interest to talk about with any given person, even if all I know about him/her is that he/she likes pudding.
-- Sub Subtopic, I'm really trying to work on my use of the word "their" being as it is a plural but I often use it for the ambiguous "person." eg. "That person would need their umbrella." I'm aware this is not grammatically correct and have had it pointed out to me in the past, but I find the use of he/she and his/her to be wholly taxing. You know, Latin-based languages actually have conjugates for ambiguous persons... Why don't we?
-- Sub Sub Sub Topic: Webster's has a definition for conjugate as "two leaves of a book forming a single piece." I... LOVE THAT. I want to be a leaf of a book that forms a single piece.
3. The readership of my journal has changed. Most people who formerly read my journal have now moved on to other sites (Tumblr, Wordpress, or what have you).
4. I question my personal progress in the last two years. On the one hand, being out of school has been bad for my painting [in that I don't set aside time to do it]. On the other, with only myself to motivate me, I've spent a remarkable amount of time researching things and I still check books out of the library on a fairly consistent basis. LJ tells this to me as posts prior to 2007 have more artwork and posts after 2007 have more ramblings about various topics of Los Angeles history and food.
I suppose using one's journal is the best way to study oneself... so I should spend more time reading backward and reconciling who I was versus who I am. And probably unlock 2006, as it's entirely irrelevant that it's locked now. Also, I sometimes like to share my people squares and cartoons and other random bits from that year. And it will be easier if LJSeek can pull them up so I don't have to spend hours browsing my LJ Calendar for them.
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| Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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3:35 pm - More Stream of Rebeccascienceness
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| Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
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12:13 pm - A trail for the devil to erase
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I'm on too many websites. More than one could possibly keep up with while maintaining a normal person-to-person, face-to-face social life and still manage to keep their house clean and complete personal projects (that are non-internet-related). Yet, I still sign up for more websites. There must be some sort of term for this... Anyone know it? It's like being an internet pack-rat. I must have accounts everywhere!!! I am an account hoarder!
I also realized I have 4 LJ accounts. FOUR. And I only post in this one... because the others were meant to be movie, music and travelling journals (well, SOMETIMES I post in the music one). Err...
*fail*
I can't imagine I have enough interesting things to say for all of these accounts. But sometimes I get it into my head that I DO.
At any rate, I want to make more time to focus on each separate site.
Pandora just started Piazza, New York Catcher by Belle and Sebastian. I love this song. I actually had to pause and revel in it a minute.
"Elope with me, Miss Private, and we'll sail around the world.
I will be your Ferdinand and you my wayward girl....
Oh elope with me in private and we’ll set something ablaze,
a trail for the devil to erase."
"What is this?"
"It's the new Belle and Sebastian."
Can't believe Jack Black comes in and calls it sad bastard music... High Fidelity is so good, still.
I need to be paid to be a media, exploring, pie-eating junkie... where can I get this job??? I have to start a magazine, right? Or be hired by one?
My weekend was awesome :-) I'd expound on it [and I in fact started to], but Facebook is full of photos from it. Maybe a real post will make it into that travel journal someday.
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| Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
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11:10 am - Public Transit and Some Cheesy Eats.
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I have finally purchased a TAP (Transit Access Pass) card. I'd like to think this is a brilliant way to go paperless on transit. But, err... it seems like a pretty broken system. The website gives conflicting information. In one way, it sounds like you can use the card like a gift card -- load it up with cash and deduct $1.25 on a per-ride basis. In another way, it seems like you can only add passes to it (daily, weekly, monthly) and thus it would be of no use to a rider like myself who only rides, in general, once or twice a day. Then, my only use for the card is when I am riding more than 4 times in a day (and per-ride fare would exceed the $5 for the day pass).
( more on TAP and why it confuses me )
*sigh*
In other (non-depressing) news:
I am on a cheese hunt! for Reblochon so I can make Tartiflette (without the bacon for my half, with the bacon for Alex's) because my friend in England keeps ranting about how delicious it is! Unfortunately, it seems to be near impossible to get Reblochon here. I'll be trying the Cheese Store in Silverlake this afternoon. Artisan Cheese, where I used to go, does not appear to be around anymore. [I can judge only by the fact that their website went kaput... I haven't been to the Ventura Blvd/Laurel Cyn intersection recently]. But I've been to the Cheese Store before, so I'm sure they can suit my needs. If there's no Reblochon, I'll probably end up with Brie de Meaux as my friend tells me that's the closest I may be able to affordably attain in the states. Either way, a giant potato cheese casserole sounds AMAZING.
And if I'm successful in finding said cheese, maybe I'll bring part of the Tartiflette to Life of Brian.
Today, Allison, Ry, Riz and I will hopefully be successful in not only getting 70 cent hot dogs but also meeting Huell Howser (and politely asking him to sign my LA River book on page 113 where his picture is :-p).
If not, maybe I'll have better luck on Thursday with Alex and Bill Cosby.
I LOVE FOOD.
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| Saturday, November 7th, 2009
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3:35 pm - A Celebration in Sevens
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 As some of you know, I rather pathetically love Pink's Hot Dogs despite keeping pescetarian the majority of the time.
Westways Magazine has informed me that beginning today (the 7th) Pink's will be celebrating its 70th anniversary by selling 70cent chili dogs at 7pm for 70 minutes each night for 7 days.
Moreover, to thank Los Angeles for 70 years of business, celebrities will be doing the hot dog serving and all proceeds will be donated to charity.
There is a schedule of the celebrity servers on the Pink's Site.
I'm really indifferent to the celebrity factor, so the day doesn't matter to me, but I'd like to go and show my Pink's support.
Anyone interested in joining me?
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| Friday, November 6th, 2009
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2:08 pm
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If I don't keep writing, then I may not write at all... which would be a shame. So, I suppose I should continue writing.
I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend of mine who is a Psychotherapist. Every now and then she has one of those slightly annoying therapist voices: "I know you'll work through this issue, given time" that grates on your nerves when you're in the mood to steam about something. But since I mostly only know her through a social network on the internet, I am able to "walk away" for a minute and continue my steaming until I'm ready to be over it. I met her in person in Indianapolis and I can easily say she's a pretty nice/cool person on the whole.
( an odd insight... if it was actually an insight )
current mood:  confused
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| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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11:15 pm
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Found out yesterday that a few of you select awesome peoples chipped in to buy me LA Conservancy membership :-D That's like super amazing delicious icing on an already great birthday!!!! I heart you. So excited to make use of it.
Waiting on an invite to Google Wave from my friend in England. Heard it takes 2-3 days for the invite to come through... which is less time than it would take to get one from Google directly, but still, I want to play with it now! If any of you were interested in trying it out, I'll be happy to pass along some invites, once I get them :-)
Finally bought extra memory for my Blackberry. Tired of only being able to store 20 photos. However, discovered that my OS is too old to install new Blackberry Messenger, which makes me a little sad. My friend who has a BB Tour was showing me how much more awesome it was... and how much easier it is to add contacts. Oh well. :-\
Shopping with alfygnosis was ultra successful! However, shopping with martianfrmplnv was not so successful :-( And neither trip helped me find my missing costume piece! Guess I'll be throwing my costume together last minute again.
Saw a super cute skirt while I was out with martianfrmplnv: red with two front pleats and a double-row white button waist closure. Sooo cute. I must re-create it in a proper size. It was sadly a teensy bit too small for either of us :-(
However, I DID get this other super cute skirt while I was out with alfygnosis. It's white with a scalloped edge and an embroidered, beaded peacock on it. :-)
Yay for cute skirts! Even if they don't fit and I need to recreate them.
Tomorrow I am going here Rock-A-Hoola Waterpark and wandering around. Yay adventure!
I have so many things to write about but I'm too tired to concentrate. Maybe tomorrow.
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| Monday, October 26th, 2009
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2:05 pm - Stream of Rebeccascienceness
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I have no hunger. I think I've been over-fed for the entire week.
I am hungry for non-food items. For sewing and drawing and sleeping and writing and reflecting.
But if I don't eat, I get nauseous [I don't think my BC likes empty tummies].
And my head is too fuzzy to sew, draw, write or reflect... I think all I can do is sleep. Maybe process small chunks of information. Enough to do a little work at work, prove the Yahoo tech on the phone to be incorrect [in-his-phone-face], wonder why iPowerweb is having issues with my php script, and sit and stare at LJ.
*stares*
How do you win a staring contest with a website? If Livejournal successfully writes my post for me without my hitting keys does that count?
MENEHUNE!
*headdesk*
I need to make sure I get proper rest tonight. Also swallow an artillery of vitamins, minerals, and anticold/antiflu medications.
Then cover that with some tea.
Birthday week was great, but I am ready to curl up in bed with my Transit Maps of the World and dream of the day LA Rail is better and 80s music isn't on KRTH.
Then get up and go thrifting with martianfrmplnv or alfygnosis or Alex or whoever feels like looking at weird stuff with me tomorrow in hopes I find my most difficult Halloween costume piece.
Can I go home now?
TANTRUM!
*hides under the desk*
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| Thursday, October 15th, 2009
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10:20 pm - Kid Things
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I was enjoying a fresh bowl of Count Chocula when I began discussing my favorite cereals with csiallie and a few other people... and I came to the realization that the only cereal I don't like is Grape Nuts [too hard. Blech]. I really can't think of any others. I LOVE cereal.
It also reminded me of some discontinued cereals from my childhood. (Since you can only buy Chocula during October - which makes me excessively sad, it's almost like being discontinued.)
( Cereal! )
On another kid-related topic, I want to make some of these:
Where the Wild Things Are Gloves.
Aren't they AWESOME?! Me wants. I've always wanted paws. Now is my chance.
Also, I love kids shows. I don't think you realize what you're missing in the way of morning-goodness by not watching kids shows.
( for instance )
Achem... yes. I am 5. The end.
current music: All Is Love by Karen O and the Kids
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1:41 pm
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Aww man. I feel like head cold :-(
Hope I didn't contract Allison germs. Unless they're the good kind that make you love the color green and boots and mustaches. [I already loved the first two anyway.]
gigior and my hangout turned into a Tofu-Soup-Yours-Mine-And-Ours-Hollee's-Cocoa-Event. Which was nice :-), though quite impromptu. But, the more people to see the correct Lucille Ball/Henry Fonda version of Yours, Mine and Ours, the better.
On a thoughtful note: ( what monday made me think about )
Sometimes I'm sure I think too much.
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| Thursday, October 8th, 2009
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10:26 pm - Something to Chew On: The revival of the American diner
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And is it really a revival? In some senses, the American diner has never left us Angelenos. Norms, Mel's and others even sport their old Googie inspired signs and buildings. We also house the oldest Bob's Big Boy here in Burbank (declared a California Point of Historic Interest in 1993). However, other chains like Sambo's and Van De Kamps have faded off the map (much to my parents' dismay.) And the newer locations of the diners that HAVE survived seem less enticing; new IHOPs no longer sport the big blue roofs I've always been fond of.
But I've seen the expansion (or re-expansion, in Bob's case) of two old American diners in the last year. To my equal dismay and delight [maybe a little more dismay, as it was my favorite pie shop], the Baker's Square near my parents' house became a Du-Par's this year. And an old Wherehouse Music location in Northridge - which was a wine-tasting store in the interim, is now the site of a brand new Bob's Big Boy.
Given the popularity of Bob's, it has always puzzled me how they had essentially fizzled up and died. True, as Clint Howard points out in Austin Powers "In some ways the Big Boy never left" - we still have the scattered locations and the bottled salad dressings. But, Bob's has overwhelmingly downsized since its heyday. Nevertheless, its memory has lived on, and the new Bob's location has seen 15 minute+ waits since its opening, all by word of mouth...
Neither Du-Pars or Bob's announced themselves to the neighborhood beyond placing signs on their soon-to-be locations: "coming soon." Unlike Kohl's, which recently opened in the same shopping center as Bob's, neither sent out coupons or flyers. Kohl's enticed me in with a $10 giftcard off any purchase of $10 or more; Bob's enticed me by memory. In essence, Bob's and Du-Pars fed off of their institutionalism. And that's the same reason people go to eat there.
It reminds us of what used to be good... and largely still is.
However, I still lament the loss of the architecture to tie the package up. New Bob's looks nothing like this:
And new Du-Pars simply adopted the building of Baker's Square. But what I wish for most, deep in my heart, is that more of these old Van De Kamp's buildings existed:
Nothing quite like circular dining. I can tell you from experience, as I've eaten at that Denny's ;-)
P.S. Yes, I spend more time than you'd expect searching old diner history. I stumped my mother today by asking the name of the original diner with the bubble windows that Coco's bought out in the 70s. I know she told me when I was a kid, because I told her I loved the bubble windows... and she said they were remainders of the original diner. However, she couldn't remember anymore... If you happen to know the answer to my question, I'll be quite happy :-) Either way, if you share my interest in diners, I highly suggest this book.
current music: Your Rocky Spine by The Great Lake Swimmers
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| Monday, October 5th, 2009
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11:34 am - Part of my weekend (with soup)
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Edison's Soup Kitchen = check! (or strike for internet purposes ;-))
( about Soup Kitchen )
On the way downtown (on the subway) someone came through the train asking for change. After we told him that we had none, he moved on and approached a man with a briefcase further down the train. The briefcase man said to the change-guy "You know those kids aren't gonna give you change! Look at them. That's upper middle class right there. They don't give out change." Now, to be fair... briefcase man was dressed just as nicely as we were. Moreover... I'm really not Upper Middle Class, my income is below poverty level. Also, the skirt I was wearing was $3 from Salvation Army... as is a good portion of my entire wardrobe. So his statement got to me a little bit.
I've never been accused of having more money than I actually do. Or, to my knowledge, been so judged by physical appearance.
I'm not sure if I should be miffed or look at it on the brightside - we must have looked pretty nice and fancy to have been deemed "Upper Middle Class."
And in other news:
( Miso Soup )
P.S. I now have tabbed browsing on my Blackberry. My dear phone, you have done nothing but please me for the last year. :-D
current music: Sh-Boom by The Crew Cuts
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| Thursday, October 1st, 2009
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12:31 am - from inside the Rebecca Bubble
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( ramblety ramblety ramblety )
Also: reading Steinbeck's Travel's with Charlie. SO MUCH BETTER than Of Mice and Men (and I'm only 2 chapters in so far!). Why couldn't this be the assigned reading in school? Have a feeling I'll enjoy it as much as Kerouac's On the Road. Nom nom literature.
current music: Choo Choo Ch'Boogie by Manhattan Transfer
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| Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
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10:32 am
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| Friday, September 25th, 2009
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3:03 pm - You mean it's a REAL river?
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| Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
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9:11 pm - An incomplete [but it's a start] list of things I want to do in the nearish vicinity of SoCal
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( list )
Feel free to comment if you have been or if you would like to go. Or, if you have something to add to my list, mention it and link me :-)!
current music: (brand new) Brand New
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| Monday, September 21st, 2009
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3:21 pm - This has been going on since the 80s?! And this is how I find out? You tell me!!!
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Though that quote is not quite apropos to this post... I thought of it as I began "Back in the 1980s, when I was 4..."
... There is a picture of me flying a kite near the Cabazon Dinosaurs. I have wanted to revisit these dinosaurs ever since then, but discovered last night that they are now part of a giant exhibit on Creationism.... So I'm not sure how I feel about being a patron now. Why couldn't they just continue life as a roadside attraction of awesomeness? Commercialist Creationists have killed my dinosaurs :-(
At any rate, the Cabazon Dinosaurs were supposed to become part of my recently created "Things to Do!" bookmark folder - where I will keep track of awesome things that I would like to do [from touring cheese factories to spelunking storm drains]... and I guess I will still put them there so that I can TRY to re-live my 80s childhood.... but I am greatly saddened by this discovery.
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| Sunday, September 6th, 2009
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11:39 pm - All of these things are culminating in a direction, I'm just unsure what that direction is...
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About a year and a half ago, I went in search of the pedestrian under-crossings outside of Los Angeles schools and discovered the old Hollywood Subway in the process. My research of the subway led to a spelunking adventure (one of the last possible) and continued research of Pacific Electric and Los Angeles' old streetcars and trolleys. During this time, my senses were awakened to a desire for history, and I wanted as much information as I could get about LA's past.
I've borrowed books from the library about various parts of the city (Wilshire Blvd. or Echo Park or the LA River, for instance) and spent many nights trolling the internet for this or that thing. I've spent hours in the Los Angeles Public Library's photo holdings or browsing flickr. Often-times, I go on random adventures (with or without friends) to explore Los Angeles locales that I have yet to experience: walks down broadway or midnight trips to Union Station.
I might say that I'm in the perfect time and place for all of this research, with places like Cicada Club and the Edison recreating some of the past magic that was Los Angeles in the early 1900s. Or with Steampunk on the rise, as people seek a way to fuse the past and present in beautiful, creative ways.
And I find, more and more concentrically, that I am being led back to this path. This research of Los Angeles' past. This attempt at uncovering its hidden heart. At recreating some part of it for our future.
Today, Alex and I drove past an old air raid siren... something I've been curious about since I was a child, but had never gotten around to researching. So, I looked it up. I discovered there are at least 226 recorded sirens in Los Angeles... and in 2005, people had begun photo documentation of them. But no one finished. While my immediate urge was to continue their photo set, my underlying urge was to begin drawing these sirens. So I researched more (for photo resources) and discovered an annual event honoring the 1942 "Battle of Los Angeles". Who else might this be sponsored by than Maxwell DeMille... the man behind Cicada Club. Once again, concentric.
I'd like to go to the event in February (if anyone would be interested to join me, perhaps?) but more importantly, this put me right back in the throes of Los Angeles history....
So I wonder, yet again, what I'm meant to be doing with all of this knowledge.
And is it so simple as, in my own way, capturing Los Angeles as Steve Martin or Charles Bukowski have... but in the way that Paul Madonna captured San Francisco in All Over Coffee - a blending of art and writing.
current mood: contemplative
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